Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Your Hand in Mine

      We boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
      Those are words from our Pastor's newest sermon series called, Seasons of Hope. Those are words I envision seeing in a college football locker room, heck every time I read the world perseverance I think of Friday Night Lights or Rudy and want to go kick some ass. But I'm getting off track. Confidence, anticipation, expectation, faith, castle in the sky, these are all synonyms for hope. We tend to think that hope is something we control. Something we can will into existence by holding our breath, crossing our fingers, or wearing our lucky socks. The cynics of the world think the results of hoping for something is just coincidence. 
      If you know me you know that I was always the guy who "had it under control." Oldest brother complex, where I made sure everyone else was good, had exactly what they needed, whether it was by running errands for them, or calling ex-boyfriends and threatening their lives if they didn't leave the lady alone, I would handle it. Keyword, I. Dealing with my dad having Alzheimer's while I was a teenager didn't help that complex. I thought I needed to right the ship and keep it together for the family. Hoping things would change wasn't working, I didn't think praying was working, I kept trying to fix everything. 
      Fast forward to present day. After I received my diagnosis of ALS, this, "I've got this," mentality continued. I had built up more of a faith in God and trusted in him, but I really believed I could still manage this on my own, I tried my best to make things go my way.  Then I took a stumble, then a fall in the bathroom, then on the ice in -15 degree weather. Every time I fell and bust my shit I would end up on my back looking up at the sky or the ceiling. While I lay there cursing, waiting for help, I was looking exactly where I needed to be focused, where I needed to secure my life, not in me, but in God. My suffering produced perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. Hope that I know that where I walk, God will walk with me, His Hand in Mine, I can let go and persevere. 

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