Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Locked Up

      Everyone is having a panic attack these days over Making a Murderer, me included. I watched it all, read fan theories on Reddit and even considered signing the petition to get Steven Avery out of jail. I thought about how it must feel to be locked up, in isolation, for something I didn't do. How mad I would be, pissed at the world, fuming, ready to explode. Then I realized Avery and I have more in common than I immediately noticed. Don't get it twisted, I've never been anywhere close to a sexual assault, nor have I met someone who then wound up dead mysteriously. I have however been shackled and held against my will. I wake up and go to sleep shackled every day.
      ALS has me living like a criminal. I have no control about when I get out of bed. I have to wear certain pants and shoes that my wife has to put on me. I am essentially shackled to my wheelchair every minute of the day. My meals rely on someone else to prepare and feed me. If the remote is out of reach TV ain't happening. I no longer can go for a drive and people tend to stare at me when I'm in public. ALS tries to push me closer and closer to solitary confinement everyday.
      It would be easy for me to say fuck it, give up, blame this pain and suffering on others and God. To be honest, the "f^€# it" comes out of my mouth more times than would like it to. When it does my wife who is far smarter than me points me back in the right direction, directly back into the word of God. I take solace and comfort in this verse, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him"(James 1:2). I dare anyone to say I'm not under trial, maybe not a trial like Steven Avery, or OJ,  but I can still hang my hat on that verse, it gives me a daily dose of Grace.
      

6 comments:

  1. Such an exceptional outlook. I'm embarrassed to think of things I stress over.

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  2. I so needed that Bible verse now. God bless you, Kris!....Bonnie

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  3. Amazing to see your blog we are going through the same with my husbands mom after 14 mths since diagnosis she is bed ridden and unable to do anything. It is very hard to see someone trapped in their own body and I wish everyday that she will get better. All the best to you. Keep writing. Very interesting read

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  4. Amazing to see your blog we are going through the same with my husbands mom after 14 mths since diagnosis she is bed ridden and unable to do anything. It is very hard to see someone trapped in their own body and I wish everyday that she will get better. All the best to you. Keep writing. Very interesting read

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