Monday, October 12, 2015

Wakefulness Slumber

      I was cruising the streets of Oak Park in my '92 Oldsmobile Achieva on a bright blue fall day. Every tree was a different shade of orange, yellow and red, mixing well and smelling of soil. Cate and Rosie took over stereo duties and cranked some David Banner. The bass rattled as we cruised East Ave on our way to DiNico's Pizza. I was feeling 17 again, and then I felt a fire burning in my left foot, then it shot to my knee, my hip, DiNico's left my mind, Cate and Rosie vanished and I awoke with a silent, "son of a bitch," in my head. 
      This is an every night experience. I take solis in my dreams where I get to run, drive, climb, and dance, things I no longer get to do because of ALS. I escape this bullshit and enjoy the world in ways most people take for granted. These dreams however get cut short all too often with a leg cramp or growing pain. Imagine getting a Charlie horse but not being able to move to release the pain. I try with all my might to adjust my legs on my own without waking Chelle. She does so much for me during the day I want her to be able to sleep peacefully. I spend many hours awake, in pain, trying to think happy thoughts to make the pain subside. Shenanigans with friends, French fries, beer, boobs, running, Christmas, all go-to happy thoughts, and then I pray. I pray that one day this disease will leave me, and then my angel Chelle swoops in and rescues me, pulling me onto my side to eliminate the pain, once again embracing the Grace around me.

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