Duct tape

     A week ago I went in for my three month Dr appointment, these appointments could be monthly but after I describe an ALS clinic you'll understand why I don't go every month. Clinic starts the same as any appointment, nurse checks your blood pressure, asks you about allergies and where your local pharmacy is located, you know, the basics. That's where basics end. Now it's time to run the gambit. Dietitians, speech therapists, social workers, breathing coordinators, occupational therapists, wheelchair technicians, and your neurologist are all coming your way. Don't get me wrong, I'm blessed to have them all at my fingertips in one location, most people with ALS aren't so lucky, but it sure as shit is intimidating.
     All of these professionals sit with you and run tests, ask questions and discuss what you can and can't do anymore. Unfortunately for us with ALS, the can no longer do list always increases while the can do list gets shorter. Medical professionals have the challenge of fixing people when they are broken. However with ALS, because there isn't a treatment or cure, they are left with very few tools for a monumental job and they know it. I feel at times like an airplane they're trying to keep in the air when the wings snap or they lose an engine, with duct tape. They aren't giving up on you but they also aren't going to be able to keep the plane fly worthy for long.
     This is where you as a patient start making some tough decisions. Do you want to be covered in duct tape? A little duct tape might be okay, maybe? Try a c-pap machine while you sleep, maybe a new steering column on the wheelchair, maybe cutout French bread from the diet to avoid choking, these appointments turn into giant brainstorming sessions to try and fix you, while knowing the inevitable isn't promising. For three hours you have to actually acknowledge you have a terminal illness and decide how much duct tape you are comfortable trying. I usually leave these appointments pissed, wanting a stiff drink. The Grace catches up to me later. I remember that I have hundreds of people looking out for me, I can still blare music, drink beer, speak, write, and love. The Grace still outweigh the "can'ts." Bring it on duct tape.