Letting Go

       Public Service Announcement: This blog will make you cry, laugh, gag, reflect, and hopefully leave you feeling closer to our Lord Almighty. I've had some rough weeks here and there. I've been trying to figure out medication, how long I should be on my bi-pap, all the while trying to get excited about a liquid diet. This has been tiring as hell. I spent all day Saturday in bed and just wrapped up another all-day shift yesterday. In the midst of this cluster fuck I became extremely constipated and couldn't pee either. Hospice nurses to the rescue! Oh, wait, you have to do what?!? Hell naw I thought in my head but I had to let go and let the pros do their jobs. I needed a suppository and a temporary catheter. Those are two items that go the wrong way on one way streets. A suppository feels like a thumb tac on your booty rim and a catheter felt like a silly straw forging it's way down my golden street. It fucking sucked, I hated it, but it would have been a disaster had I not let go.
     As many of my readers know, I am the oldest sibling in my family, the big brother. I'm six years older than Kurt and four years older than Eliza. Not only am I the Big Brother to Eliza and Kurt I have many younger friends who look to me as their Big Brother. A friend of mine once said that wherever I go I cast nets on those that need help, reel them in and see if there's anything I can do for them. It could be a soccer mom, an elderly dude, a young adult with disabilities, the scary gang banger on the L, or the beautiful damsel in distress. I could talk to anyone and connect with them. Many of these nets I quickly let slip away, but dozens of these nets I kept an eye on over the years and regardless of their age I consider them my younger siblings, or at least someone I have to protect. This large extended family I've built makes it very difficult to be okay with letting go of this world. Not to sound conceeded, but I think about what my little sister will do without me. What will my fantasy football league do? What will my teachers do without my advice?

The answer is they will be fine. 

      People die. We're all going to come to the same fate. Whenever I die, I'm going to be showered with love. I know so many awesome people that I can only imagine what the Celebration of Life will look like. Many folks aren't so lucky. Either they haven't found Christ and accepted Him as his Savior or they don't have have a support system around them and are incredibly lonely. I'm generalizing, but it brings me back to the importance of solidifying that relationship with the Lord. It's easy to stray from His path when things go wrong. Job in the Bible lost everything. His land burned to the ground, his wife and children died, and still he kept his faith. Paul traveled the globe proclaiming God's Grace while he watched his friends be murdered and while he got his ass kicked. 

      "Many are the plans in the mind of man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."(Proverbs 19:21) I've got plans galore. I've always been the dude to create social plans for our group. Where we're going, making the reservation, making sure everyone has a ride, making sure that asshole won't be there. However, I've retired from the planning game, I've let go. The Lord has a purpose for me, that purpose might be here on Earth in the next few months, or it might be in Heaven. Either way this Big Brother has let go.